THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Last month I talked about three lies that we often believe that sabotage our thinking and health (check out my May 2023 blog for these three lies). This month I want to briefly look at three more lies we often tell ourselves that get entrenched in our brains and keep us from growing and healing as a person.
1. “THIS IS JUST THE WAY I AM”
How many times have we found ourselves telling ourselves this lie? This is a sure barrier to growth and learning something new. The basis of the statement is “I can’t change.” It may be because of our past, an addiction or bad thinking patterns that keep us stuck and believing this lie. It is true some things in our lives we will never fully overcome or be fully healed from. But the other truth is, we can always make progress and be better than we were before.
Christians should certainly not believe this lie. Christians who believe in an all-powerful God who can do the impossible should embrace that God can work in their lives for good no matter what patterns or circumstances they find themselves in. But whether you are a Christian or not, neuroscience has taught us that our brains are not set in stone – they are malleable (they can be influenced and change). While our brains are capable of developing automatic thoughts that lead to automatic actions; it is also true that we can learn and develop new thoughts leading to new actions. Don’t give up on yourself believing this lie. God has created the human brain to be flexible, to change, and to grow – thus leading you to change and grow as a person.
2. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
You’ve probably heard this one a thousand times. Sure, some minor wounds heal over the passage of time, but not deep and festering wounds such as major traumas, disappointments, heart-breaks and serious losses. Things like addictions, loss of a loved one, loss of a beloved pet or a divorce isn’t something time just heals. In fact, like a physical wound, some things over time might get worse and more infected. Our hearts and minds can become more infected by deep losses. I know a person who had been divorced ten years ago. She was actually doing better after the divorce than she is now. In these past ten years, she never addressed the real issues of the divorce nor went to counseling to learn about how the divorce affected her as a person. As a result, these past ten years have only caused her to become unhealthier, more embittered and more toxic to the people and family around her.
So no, don’t buy the lie that time heals all wounds. For real healing to occur, we must take action. So use your time wisely by coming to know God, taking time to reflect on your life, enter counseling if needed and if you do, you will get healthier and stronger as a person.
3. SELF-CARE IS SELFISH
We hear a lot about self-care today. For many it seems soft and self-absorbed. And the truth is, it can be if you stop with just caring for yourself and don’t realize that the real goal of self-care is to be healthier so you can give the best parts of yourself to those around you.
Just like we watch the gas gauge in our cars to see if we have enough gas to get where we are going, we need to watch the energy gauge of our lives. The lie behind the lie that self-care is selfish is that we have an unlimited supply of energy. The truth is, we all have a limited supply of physical, emotional, and mental fuel. If we don’t guard our energy supply, no one else will. You are the only one responsible for your life – not your spouse, not your parents, not even God. God calls us to be good stewards of all He has given us including our energy supply. We need to get in touch with the signals our emotions, body and brain give to us when we are running low.
Keep in mind, when we overspend our allotted emotional energy, we are putting ourselves at risk – and we are putting those around us that we love at risk. With every “yes” to others, there is a cost to our fuel supply. While “no” also has its risks, there are times we need to set boundaries around ourselves and say “no” for our betterment and for the betterment of those around us. We need to assess our lives and see where we need to say “no” to things that are draining us. We equally need to assess what fills us up and make sure we schedule time for those things. I think there was a reason why Jesus told us to “love others as we love ourselves.” Counselor Debra Fileta [1] puts it this way about Jesus talking about loving others as ourselves:
“I wonder if it’s because He [Jesus]knew that self-loathing and self-neglect were just as harmful as vanity and self-centeredness. When we stop caring for ourselves, we become empty. Ironically, empty people are the most self-centered and self-absorbed of all.”
The point here is this, if we don’t take care of ourselves along the way of life, we will eventually hit bottom and not be the filled-up person that God needs us to be to help others. I hope you have a healthy and refreshing summer!
God bless you and see you in August,
Jack
[1] Debra Fileta, Are You Really Ok
