WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR? (Part 2)
WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR? (Part 2)
By: Jack Guyler
When we look in the mirror, what we see is a combination of photos and feelings we have gathered over the years about our competency, the idea that we are capable. The second is our belonging, the idea of being loved. The third aspect is our worth, the idea that we count or having something to offer. [1] These come from both what people say to us, the attitudes they express toward you (even if they aren’t about you) and how you internally process all of this. The biggest factor in our self-esteem usually is our parents – how did they act toward us, what things did they say to us and what did their faces express about how they felt toward us?
Here is a question many people of faith ask, “how does God want us to see ourselves?” I answered this in a previous blog in this series, but it’s important to reiterate that God doesn’t want us to go around feeling bad about the person He has created us to be. Yes, He wants us to live with humility and not think more highly of ourselves than we should – but He also doesn’t want us to think less of ourselves than we should. We will either spend a life time anguishing in our low self-esteem or finding healing for it because we all must address it as human beings.
So, how do we begin to find healing? The first thing is to realize that all people, no matter how confident or secure they seem, do struggle with low self-esteem. It is a matter of degree as to how much people struggle. Second, some people get an acute attack of it from time to time. However, when you suffer from chronic low self-esteem, it is something you never fully get over, but can learn to manage.
My dad, who was very successful as a colonel in the US Army and a professional mechanical and industrial engineer who worked for the US Air Force and NASA, never saw himself in a good light. He always suffered from low self-esteem. He felt he wasn’t enough. Do you know why? First, his dad died when he was very young. This set him on a path of never feeling normal like other kids who had a dad. And then second, his greatest disappointment was that he didn’t get into West Point Military Academy because of an eye issue. This made him feel like a failure and even though he went into the military and worked his way up to the rank of a full colonel, he felt less than those officers who graduated from West Point. The sad thing is, he suffered from this his entire life and lived in denial of it and never got help.
I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem much of my life as well. Some of it was genetic I suppose and a lot of it was the way I was raised by my dad. And while it still affects me today, I have gone for help and spent years in counseling talking about it and finding some healing. There are no easy or quick fixes. However, getting help, getting counseling, pushing through, staying active and realizing you are more than your negative feelings, helps me live and find greater joy in life than I otherwise would. Life is hard no matter what, and it is even harder with low self-esteem. However, if you will take the action to get help and pray to God for healing, I think you will find a noticeable difference in your life as I have. I think it’s important to remember that while life is difficult, there are moments to enjoy – and the better we feel about ourselves, the more we will recognize those moments and take the time to enjoy them.
TAKE AWAY: Low self-esteem is something we need to manage our whole lives, but with help, we can!
1 – The Sensation of Being Somebody, Maurice Wagner
